Breaking Dawn.

After incoherent twilights and recurring obscurity,

Flummoxed and deceived by my own delusions

About the scarlet illusions that you left me with
Unarmored as I was, when-

You abandoned me, to eternally rest.

I know now, beyond the nightfall
Lies the awaited and I envisioned sunrise,
Perhaps.

And though it takes a while to break into,
I am keeping my windows open-
Hopeful that the eerie and unremitting loneliness 
Is altered by- something long lost,
Something yet to be recovered.

And when the crystal chandelier in my room
Beckons the first light in itself,
And illumes my dreary abode; I will know-
You're here, Breaking Dawn.
.................................

              He was like the wind, blowing through my tresses, caressing my skin and embracing me on a hot summer afternoon.  And in a blink of an eye he was gone, leaving no trails of his path, just the miasma of  feculant traces of abandoned scarlet illusions, defining unremitting obscurity like those spent alone in the unbidden months of Ladakh winters- accompanied by the eerie loneliness, the daunting reality and struggle for survival. I am struggling to survive too. My days have an unwonted pattern, a cycle of undying chase to recover, to have him back. I am struggling each day defying his absence. How easy was it for the doctors to declare that his brain had ceased to work? And how easy was it for our family to cremate his soulless body? How easy was it to feel his warm skin turn cold and hard as rock? I am captivated by my own delusions about the scarlet illusions. He can't be gone just yet, now today, not ever.


              The world now sympathises with the tussle of a juvenile widow, flummoxed and deceived by  trickeries of the scarlet illusions, this thing called love. The cynics say I that have lost my mind and the others just stare at the agony as I keep up with my empty hopes of his recrudescence. 

            And though I have built high walls against the "realistic" and cynical world to confine myself to my despondency, I have kept the windows of these gigantic walls open, hopeful that he will break into my life once again like the sun and illume  my dreary life and hysterical eyes that just can't fathom the reasons behind his desertion of my life. My world  that has come to a standstill between the miasma of undying discomfort and pain is waiting for him to  untangle these suffocating knots of despair that are keeping us apart and enlighten every nook and corner of my dreary abode by reflecting himself in my crystal chandelier of hope. And when he will do so, I will know it's not the sun, but he, who is breaking into my life once again, breaking dawn!

.................................

Sometimes the scarlet entities are fair, sometimes they are not. But like I said in my previous post, "these scarlet illusions spring eternal." 

      Being deserted by one who holds our heart isn't the best feeling ever. Nature at times  builds these invincible walls that keep us from the one we love the most. But the scarlet illusions never really abandon us and instead, they stay within us in different forms like anger, sadness, nostalgia and undying hope all our lives. The scarlet illusions are the only things that can cross these boundaries between life and death and give us reasons to reconcile with the melancholy. And coming in terms with these unjustified realities, you will to see your sun reappearing and illumining your world,

Breaking dawn.