Unfathomable Love

As the day empathized with my raven tresses

And the curtains drew to guard our willful perversity,

Our bodies collided scintillating scarlet illusions

Agnizing the amplifying ardency,

Redefining two beings, white sheets and a roof as one.

His fingertips traced my defenseless breast

Reclaiming my body my breath my hopes
As he caressed my skin with his lustres lips
The zephyr ignited our reckless souls.

Beckoning the possibilities of constellations
I saw symmetry form under the endless sky

I cried comfort, pleasure, disbelief
He synchronized his gestures with mine.
Demystifying the the trickeries of illusive entities
The agony of past was lost.

And illumed that night with the night with the crescent moon
A blazing flame of scarlet illusions
As we surrendered ourselves cautiously 
And made unfathomable love.
..........................

Saturday, July 19, 2014
Solan, Himachal Pradesh,
India.

       He told me not to come to the station because I wouldn't have liked the sight. The war was over. He was coming home again along with some unbidden scars and fresh wounds. The war was like Pandora's box for all of us. It left all of us with nothing but unwanted traces of the catastrophe. But now, it's over and I want him to leave it all behind. And from here it's going to be a new beginning, our beginning.

      The sun is drowning in yesterday and the moon is is setting itself to guide the night. The different shades of twilight are making me anxious. I am standing by the porch of our single story wooden house as I see him from a distance getting out of the army van. As he comes closer, walking towards me, I realise he hasn't changed much. His rugged hands relax from a fist portraying a sense of comfort. His forehead is covered with a bandage and the thought of the injury has engulfed me. But then I look at his face and his soft lips and realise how much mine are dying for those. A strong tingle runs down my spine. I run to him and embrace him in my short arms. We make our way back to our house. I head to the kitchen as he make his way for a shower. 

      I prepare some tea and place some fresh chocolate cookies on the tray that I baked for him this morning. I walk towards our bedroom with tray where his uniform is lying on the bed. I place the tray on the table and pick his uniform up and hold it across my breast, letting his smell linger on my skin. I close my eyes and think about last winter before he left and we had spent most of our time making love next to the fire place. And I suddenly feel two warm arms embracing me. His hands are tough, scarred yet sacred. They make me feel at home and the loneliness of all these days is vanquished by our love. I turn around and kiss him. It's the most passionate kiss we have ever shared. It's like a bundle of joy accompanied by the agony of distance, love, faith and desire wrapped together in a Tiffany box. He lifts me in his arms and suddenly the memory of our wedding night floods in my mind where they carried me to him in a palanquin. He gently lets me down on our grand bed and I can still feel his struggling heartbeat amplifying mine. Here from the bed the only thing that I can see are his desirous eyes, and sense my tempted breath.  I sighed in hope to reconcile with his warm chest and he does so without any word. He unbuttons my silk blouse and traces my defenseless breast laying down his love on them. And as our bodies collided once again with trails of his lips exploring my body, I could feel myself indulging into something unspoken once again.  I looked outside the window and realised its past dusk and night sky is empathising with my jet black tresses.  I reckon of the days when he was away and I was compelled to lead my life in obscurity. But right now all that matters is that he is here, with me, in my bed and there is nothing more I could ask for.
     
            Our scarlet illusion environed our  bedroom and lives as I reached a new level of ecstasy with every tingle he left on my skin with his lustres lips. I cried comfort and pleasure that redefined every cell of my body. He synchronised his gestures with mine. And as we me made love I could feel the agony of the defamed war erase from our minds and our love reclaiming two impetuous souls. On this night, if nothing was gained or lost, a realisation embedded in my mind- he and I are meant to be. This is fate, we are one. The scarlet illusion formed constellations from our memories and this night was the brightest star of them all. In our love, there are battles yet to fight, and if he'd ask me, I'd say I'm ready. In the light of this acceptance I snuggled onto his chest as he whispered in my ears, "Darling, tonight we made unfathomable love."

..............................

Breaking Dawn.

After incoherent twilights and recurring obscurity,

Flummoxed and deceived by my own delusions

About the scarlet illusions that you left me with
Unarmored as I was, when-

You abandoned me, to eternally rest.

I know now, beyond the nightfall
Lies the awaited and I envisioned sunrise,
Perhaps.

And though it takes a while to break into,
I am keeping my windows open-
Hopeful that the eerie and unremitting loneliness 
Is altered by- something long lost,
Something yet to be recovered.

And when the crystal chandelier in my room
Beckons the first light in itself,
And illumes my dreary abode; I will know-
You're here, Breaking Dawn.
.................................

              He was like the wind, blowing through my tresses, caressing my skin and embracing me on a hot summer afternoon.  And in a blink of an eye he was gone, leaving no trails of his path, just the miasma of  feculant traces of abandoned scarlet illusions, defining unremitting obscurity like those spent alone in the unbidden months of Ladakh winters- accompanied by the eerie loneliness, the daunting reality and struggle for survival. I am struggling to survive too. My days have an unwonted pattern, a cycle of undying chase to recover, to have him back. I am struggling each day defying his absence. How easy was it for the doctors to declare that his brain had ceased to work? And how easy was it for our family to cremate his soulless body? How easy was it to feel his warm skin turn cold and hard as rock? I am captivated by my own delusions about the scarlet illusions. He can't be gone just yet, now today, not ever.


              The world now sympathises with the tussle of a juvenile widow, flummoxed and deceived by  trickeries of the scarlet illusions, this thing called love. The cynics say I that have lost my mind and the others just stare at the agony as I keep up with my empty hopes of his recrudescence. 

            And though I have built high walls against the "realistic" and cynical world to confine myself to my despondency, I have kept the windows of these gigantic walls open, hopeful that he will break into my life once again like the sun and illume  my dreary life and hysterical eyes that just can't fathom the reasons behind his desertion of my life. My world  that has come to a standstill between the miasma of undying discomfort and pain is waiting for him to  untangle these suffocating knots of despair that are keeping us apart and enlighten every nook and corner of my dreary abode by reflecting himself in my crystal chandelier of hope. And when he will do so, I will know it's not the sun, but he, who is breaking into my life once again, breaking dawn!

.................................

Sometimes the scarlet entities are fair, sometimes they are not. But like I said in my previous post, "these scarlet illusions spring eternal." 

      Being deserted by one who holds our heart isn't the best feeling ever. Nature at times  builds these invincible walls that keep us from the one we love the most. But the scarlet illusions never really abandon us and instead, they stay within us in different forms like anger, sadness, nostalgia and undying hope all our lives. The scarlet illusions are the only things that can cross these boundaries between life and death and give us reasons to reconcile with the melancholy. And coming in terms with these unjustified realities, you will to see your sun reappearing and illumining your world,

Breaking dawn.

The Scarlet Illusion-Love

Vilified tokens of love

Are scattered all around me in vain,

Gathered pieces of scarlet entities

Are retrieving to be rived once again.

They came to me with borrowed faith and vesselled hopes

Just to be faultily played by the trickeries of the scarlet illusions

A fatal lie, it would have remained for me

As I could clearly see it to be a delusion.

Oh, what's the charm of the scarlet illusions 

That dissuades one to pursue reality?

Or is it just me just me who fails to see it

Let alone believe in this meaningless fidelity?

And then you came to me

With words dipped in nectar and stories stemmed in myths

And the captivated me is still in disbelieve-

"Love hasn't got me...... Yet."

.................

Love. What is this love? Over the years, man has led down several definitions for this one word, yet nothing has been that very accurate. For love is an emotion beyond words. It's a feeling, sensation, someone's reality where as someone else's dream. Well, I too tried defining it, and over the time I redefined it over and over again through my poems. So why do I call it a scarlet illusion instead of just "love"? Well because it's my own version of love. To me it's always been an illusion, an undefined theory with no proof of its true existence yet a sensation no one can deny. In my poems you will find different forms of scarlet illusions. 

This poem is about how one never really understands the magic of the scarlet illusions until its tornado blows off our closed and confined walls. Before it strikes, one leads a pragmatic life relishing the joy of existence and contentment. Yet, it never feels complete. That's when the scarlet illusions hit you. Contentment and falling over the brim are two different state of being and the latter is what is being brought by the scarlet illusions. The scarlet illusions get us overwhelmed by our own set  of emotions and still make us crave for more. Contentment is a term that doesn't really exists anymore. The scarlet illusions act like a drug in our body and get to every cell, reclaiming them and more. Our souls are captivated and the yearn for these illusive entities never ends. Like hope, it springs eternal too within us.  Life as one knew it has changed, and the scarlet illusions are to be blamed!